At what point do you decide that enough is enough? You keep reliving your past as if it was a dream world. Looking back with regret for what could have been is a bad place to be. Ask God to forgive you and to help you move on to what He has for you. There is nothing you can do to change what happen back then, but you can change how you move forward, with either a positive outlook or with grim regret. We must think of our lives differently than others who do not know our Savior. We have a promise of an eternity in Heaven with our King, so anything that is preventing the advancement of the kingdom, should be the only thing that concerns you. We must strive for the prize of the upward call as if running a race. You work out and prepare, forgetting about sitting on the couch and the days that you were lazy, and you get satisfaction as you compete and complete! So, leave the past in the past and move on to the future.
Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14